Why Childhood Trauma Still Shapes Your Adult Life & How EMDR Can Help
Have you ever felt like something from your past is holding you back, even if you can't put your finger on it? You are not alone. Many women, from busy moms to successful professionals, tell me they feel a constant sense of worry, self-doubt, or sadness. You might wonder why, no matter how hard you try, you never feel good enough. Or maybe you find it hard to trust people, even those closest to you. Often, these feelings are connected to things that happened in your childhood; experiences you may not even think of as "trauma." I want you to know that healing from these past wounds is possible. EMDR therapy for women offers a gentle and effective way to help you find relief and take back your life.
What Is Childhood Trauma, Really?
When we hear the word "trauma," our minds often go to major, life-altering events. But childhood trauma is much broader than that. It’s anything you experienced as a child that was deeply difficult to live through and continues to cause you ongoing distress. It isn't just about what happened to you; it's also about what didn't happen, like not receiving the emotional support you needed. For many women, this kind of trauma is subtle. It might look like:
Emotional or verbal abuse: Being told to "suck it up" when you were sad, or hearing words that made you feel weak or worthless.
Emotional neglect: Having caregivers who were physically present but emotionally unavailable, leaving you to manage big feelings all by yourself.
An inconsistent environment: Growing up in a home where you never knew what to expect, forcing you to be constantly on high alert.
These experiences shape how you learn to connect with others. You might develop an anxious attachment style, living with a constant fear that the people you love will leave you. Or, you might find it almost impossible to trust anyone, keeping people at a distance to protect yourself from getting hurt. This isn't your fault; it's a coping mechanism your younger self developed to survive.
Subtle Signs of Unresolved Childhood Trauma
Because these early experiences become your "normal," it can be hard to connect the dots between your childhood and your adult struggles. You might just think, "This is just how I am." But these patterns are often signs that your past is still present. Do any of these sound familiar?
Perfectionism: The need for everything to be flawless, driven by a deep-seated fear of criticism or failure.
People-pleasing: Going out of your way to make others happy, often at the expense of your own needs and wants.
Chronic anxiety or depression: A persistent feeling of worry, sadness, or emptiness that never seems to lift.
Negative self-talk: An inner critic that constantly tells you you’re not good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough.
Feelings of shame, blame, or guilt: Carrying a heavy weight of responsibility for things that were never your fault.
If you see yourself in these descriptions, I want you to know that you are not broken. These are not character flaws. They are often deeply ingrained ways you learned to protect yourself when you felt unsafe. Recognizing them for what they are is the first brave step toward healing.
Why Do Women Often Downplay Their Trauma?
You might read this and think, "But my childhood wasn't that bad." Many women dismiss or minimize their early experiences for a few common reasons. If you were never allowed to express your emotions safely, you learned to suppress them. Over time, this can lead to a sense of numbness or detachment. You simply disconnect from the pain to get through the day, and that detachment becomes your new normal.
When trauma is normalized during childhood, you don't know any different. You grow up believing that this is just how life is. If the people who hurt you were also people you loved, like parents or caregivers, it’s natural to want to make excuses for their behavior. You might even downplay the pain they caused. It’s often easier to tell yourself to "just get over it" than to face the depth of the hurt.
When Old Wounds Resurface: Common Triggers
For a long time, you might be able to keep old wounds buried, but major life transitions can bring everything to the surface. These triggers can feel overwhelming because they tap directly into unresolved pain from your past. For example, becoming a mother can trigger feelings of not being "good enough," especially if you experienced neglect or abuse, making it difficult to connect with your own child. A new job or promotion might activate fears of inadequacy, particularly if you were never told you were capable as a child.
Starting a new relationship or marriage can also be challenging. This is because intimacy requires trust and vulnerability, which can feel impossible if past experiences taught you that letting someone in leads to pain. When these triggers arise, it might feel like you’re taking a step backward, but in reality, your mind and body are signaling that it’s time to heal.
How EMDR Therapy for Women in Columbus, OH Can Help You Heal
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a structured approach that helps people heal from trauma and other distressing life experiences. It is particularly powerful for women processing childhood trauma because it works with both the mind and the body. Traumatic memories are often stored improperly in the brain. They get stuck, and when something reminds you of the event, it can feel like you're reliving it all over again. EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (like eye movements or tapping) to help your brain reprocess these memories.
It connects the logical and emotional sides of your brain, allowing you to store the memory properly. You don’t forget what happened, but it no longer holds the same emotional charge. The memory becomes a part of your story, not a constant presence in your daily life. EMDR also helps you heal the negative beliefs you formed about yourself, transforming "I am not good enough" into a deeply felt belief that "I am enough."
Why EMDR Is So Effective When Talk Therapy Isn’t Enough
Talk therapy can be incredibly helpful, but for many women with deep-seated trauma, it can feel like it only goes so far. You can logically understand that what happened to you wasn't your fault, but you still feel the shame and anxiety in your body. This is because trauma isn't just stored in your mind; it's stored in your nervous system.
EMDR, especially when combined with somatic (body-based) approaches, helps you connect your mind and body. It allows you to access the places where trauma is "stuck" physically and finally release it. By working with the nervous system, EMDR therapy for women helps you feel safe in your own body again, giving you a sense of control that you may have been missing for years. This is where true, lasting healing happens.
What to Expect During EMDR Sessions
The idea of revisiting trauma can be scary, so it’s important to know what to expect. During the healing process, it's common for symptoms to feel like they are increasing at first. This doesn't mean you're getting worse; it means you're finally giving attention to the feelings you've been detaching from for so long. You might experience a range of physical or emotional sensations, such as:
Muscle tension, restlessness, or heaviness in your chest
Changes in body temperature or breathing patterns
Feelings of detachment or numbness
Emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, shame, or grief
Every woman's experience is unique. A Women’s EMDR therapist will create a safe and supportive space for you to process these sensations and emotions at your own pace. It's important to remember that this journey is yours alone, and there's no rush to push through anything before you're ready. Your therapist will walk alongside you, offering gentle guidance and unwavering support every step of the way.
Three Things You Can Do to Start Healing Right Now
While therapy is a key part of the journey, there are things you can do today to begin connecting with your mind and body. Starting small is perfectly okay; each step forward is a victory. These simple practices can help you feel more grounded and present in your own skin. Remember to be gentle with yourself as you explore what feels right for you.
Read "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.
This book is a wonderful resource for understanding how trauma affects the brain and body. Knowledge is power, and learning more about your experiences is a great first step. It offers practical insights and tools to help you navigate healing. Whether you're on your own journey or supporting someone else, this book is an invaluable guide.
Try Progressive Muscle Relaxation.
Since trauma is held in the body, releasing physical tension can provide immense relief. Find a quiet place and move through your body, tensing each muscle group for five seconds and then releasing. This practice helps you scan your body for tension and gently let it go. It's a wonderful way to connect with your body and offer it some calm.
Start with Short Guided Meditations.
Meditation doesn't have to be a long, intimidating practice. Find a 2-3 minute guided meditation and try doing it twice a day. This small, consistent practice can help you feel more in control of your nervous system and your emotions. Consistency is key—just like building muscle at the gym, you are strengthening new neural pathways that help your body feel calm and safe.
You Deserve to Heal
Your past does not have to define your future. Healing from childhood trauma is not only possible, but it is also something you deeply deserve. You deserve to feel safe, confident, and worthy of love and happiness. Taking the step to seek help is a sign of incredible strength. If you are ready to explore how EMDR therapy for women in Columbus, Ohio, can help you release the weight of the past, we are here to support you. You don’t have to walk this path alone.
Are You Ready to Begin Healing with EMDR Therapy for Women in Columbus, OH?
If reading this has resonated with a part of you that feels heavy and ready for change, please know that this feeling is the beginning of your healing journey. Making the decision to heal the past is a profound act of self-compassion. You deserve to live a life free from the echoes of yesterday, filled instead with peace and self-assurance. Here at Merrianna Holdeman Counseling, I specialize as a women’s EMDR therapist and in guiding women through this process. Together, we can explore how EMDR therapy for women in Columbus, OH, can help you gently release the burdens you were never meant to carry and reconnect with the strong, authentic person you truly are.
Schedule your complimentary 15-minute therapy consultation today.
Discover more about my approach to EMDR therapy and how I can work together toward your healing.
Let this be the moment you choose a new path—one of lasting peace and profound self-discovery.
Other Therapy Services at Merrianna Holdeman Counseling
As you explore how EMDR therapy can help heal the past, you might notice that other challenges are present, too. It’s common for the weight of trauma to be tangled up with other feelings. Perhaps you live with a constant hum of anxiety, feel overwhelmed by the demands of life, or struggle with focus and follow-through in a way that leaves you feeling drained. Many of the overwhelmed moms and high-achieving women I work with are navigating more than just the echoes of past trauma. They are often also dealing with anxiety, trauma, and ADHD.
These experiences can create a cycle of emotional overwhelm, high expectations, and intense self-pressure that makes it feel impossible to find calm. Therapy is a space to address all of these connected pieces. It’s a place where you don’t have to perform or push through. It’s an opportunity to be honest about what you’re experiencing and receive support as you find your way back to a life that feels more like your own. That’s why at Merrianna Holdeman Counseling, I offer specialized services for women ready to heal from anxiety and trauma and find clarity with ADHD.
About the Author
Merrianna Holdeman, LPCC, is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor in Ohio dedicated to helping women find relief from the weight of the past. She provides a warm, non-judgmental space for those navigating the impacts of childhood trauma, anxiety, and overwhelm. With specialized training in EMDR, Merrianna guides clients with compassion, helping them understand where their feelings come from and empowering them to build a more joyful and confident future. Her practice is founded on the belief that everyone deserves a safe space to heal and thrive.
