From ‘Everything Went Fine’ to ‘I Still Feel Off’: Why Overachieving Moms Need EMDR for Birth Trauma Even When Birth Seemed ‘Normal’
You hear it from friends, family, and even the doctors: “Everything went fine.” The birth was, by all medical standards, a success. The baby is healthy, and you should be happy. But on the inside, a different story is unfolding. You feel… off. A quiet but persistent sense of anxiety hums beneath the surface. Or maybe you feel a numbing disconnect from the joy everyone says you should be experiencing.If this sounds familiar, your feelings are valid. For so many mothers, especially high-achieving women used to being in control, these feelings are confusing and isolating. This is where EMDR for birth trauma can offer a path toward understanding and healing. It can be a powerful tool, even when you can’t pinpoint a specific reason for your distress.
What Is Birth Trauma, Really?
We often associate trauma with major, life-threatening events. But birth trauma isn’t defined by a checklist of complications. It’s any birth experience that caused you significant emotional or physical distress. What matters is your internal experience, not just what appeared to be happening on the outside. Maybe your birth didn't go according to your carefully laid-out plan. Perhaps you wanted an unmedicated birth but needed an epidural, and the shift left you feeling like you failed. Or maybe you didn’t feel heard or supported by your medical team. Perhaps your loved ones weren’t there for you during one of the most vulnerable moments of your life. Feeling alone, scared, or out of control during labor can be deeply traumatic.
Even if the delivery itself felt straightforward, the aftermath can be a source of trauma. You might not have felt that instant, magical rush of connection with your baby that you saw in movies, leading to a spiral of guilt and shame. Your body is navigating immense hormonal and physical changes, and your nervous system is working overtime. This internal chaos, this feeling of being a stranger in your own body and mind, can be traumatic in itself. For some, past experiences with infertility, miscarriage, or a previous difficult birth can resurface, adding another layer of complexity to your postpartum journey. Your experience is yours, and it matters.
Why Do I Feel “Off” When Everything Was “Fine”?
Your mind and body are intricately connected. The process of giving birth, even a wonderful one, is an immense physical event that your nervous system registers. The process doesn't just switch off the moment the baby arrives. It can take a long time for your system to regulate and find its balance again. When your nervous system remains in a heightened state of alert, it can get stuck in a fight, flight, or freeze response. This might leave you feeling constantly on edge, as if something bad is about to happen.
This can manifest as relentless anxiety and an anxious attachment to your baby. Or, you might experience the opposite; a feeling of numbness and disconnection from your emotions and your body. Hormonal shifts and profound sleep deprivation only amplify this sense of overwhelm and emotional dysregulation. It's not a sign of weakness; it's a physiological response to an extraordinary experience.
The Unique Challenges for High-Achieving Women
If you're a high-achiever, you’ve likely built a life and career on being capable, organized, and in control. This drive has served you well. But motherhood is one area of life that defies plans and perfection. When the reality of birth and postpartum life doesn't align with the expectations you set, it can feel like a personal failure. This can trigger chronic anxiety and even panic attacks. The need to be a “perfect” mom can lead to unrealistic standards that are impossible to meet.
This creates a cycle of self-criticism and negative beliefs like, "I'm not a good enough mom." For overwhelmed moms who are also high-achieving women, this internal pressure cooker can become unbearable.The shame, guilt, and disappointment you feel are not because you are failing. They are because you are trying to apply rules of control to a journey that is inherently unpredictable.
Subtle Signs You’re Carrying Unprocessed Birth Trauma
Because your birth "went fine," you might dismiss the signs of trauma. You might tell yourself you're just tired or hormonal. But these subtle symptoms are your body's way of telling you it needs help. Do any of these resonate with you?
Feeling constantly hypervigilant or on high alert.
Experiencing intrusive, worrying thoughts, often about the baby's safety.
Having flashbacks to moments during the birth or nightmares.
Struggling with feelings of shame, guilt, anger, or deep sadness.
Feeling perpetually on edge or easily irritated.
Finding it difficult to experience joy, love, or other positive emotions.
Feeling disconnected from your baby, your partner, or yourself.
You might be telling yourself, “I should be grateful,” or “Other women have it so much worse.” You might think, "I don't have time to deal with this." These are the very thoughts that keep you stuck. But you don’t have to push through it alone. Many women come to therapy for anxiety, panic, exhaustion, and burnout without initially realizing that the root cause is unresolved birth trauma.
How EMDR for Birth Trauma Can Help You Heal
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a powerful therapy that helps the brain reprocess traumatic memories and release them from the nervous system. Trauma can cause memories to get “stuck.” When you’re reminded of the experience, you may feel as if you are reliving it all over again. EMDR for birth trauma connects the logical and emotional sides of your brain, allowing it to store the memory properly. You’ll still remember what happened, but it will no longer have the same emotional charge. For high-achieving women who are used to suppressing their needs, EMDR can be especially transformative.
It allows you to finally release the heavy weight of suppressed emotions, helping you feel lighter and more in control of your body and your feelings. Through reprocessing, your brain can make new, healthier connections. You may experience aspects of the memory you didn’t consciously recall but that were stored in your body. It's all part of the healing process; releasing the stuck trauma so you can finally move forward. EMDR also helps transform negative self-beliefs, like "I am not good enough," into positive, empowering ones, like "I am a good mother, doing my best."
“But I’m Afraid to Open That Can of Worms”
The thought of revisiting painful memories while trying to care for a new baby can feel terrifying. What if it makes things worse? This is a completely normal fear. As a women's EMDR therapist in Columbus, OH, I always meet you exactly where you are. We go at your pace. Before we ever begin the deeper work of EMDR, we focus on making you feel safe and supported. We will build a toolbox of resources you can use to regulate your nervous system and manage difficult emotions. You will feel equipped and grounded before we ever approach the trauma itself. Your well-being is the priority. After beginning EMDR for birth trauma, women often experience incredible breakthroughs.
They describe a sense of freedom from the anxiety that held them back from experiencing the joy of motherhood. The day-to-day stressors of parenthood are still there. However, they feel more confident and capable of handling them without being in constant survival mode. They develop a new awareness of themselves and are finally free from the shame and guilt they carried for so long. Healing allows you to lower the protective walls you built and connect more deeply with yourself, your child, and your partner. You can be fully present, both physically and emotionally, in your life.
Three Things You Can Do Right Now
You’re probably thinking, "I need EMDR therapy, but what can I do right now?" Healing takes time, but even small steps today can make a difference.
Offer Yourself Grace. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling. It is okay to be overwhelmed, sad, or confused, even when your birth seemed perfect. Your experience is valid.
Check In with Yourself. A few times a day, pause and ask, “How am I truly feeling right now?” Then, notice what you feel in your body. Are your shoulders tense? Is your jaw clenched? Just noticing without judgment is a powerful first step.
Try Progressive Muscle Relaxation. If you notice tension, try this simple exercise. Starting with your toes, tense the muscles for five seconds, and then release. Work your way up your body: your legs, your stomach, your arms, your hands, your face. Tensing a muscle first can help it relax more deeply. This also gives your mind a gentle focus, offering a break from anxious thoughts.
You deserve to feel whole, connected, and at peace in your motherhood journey. If you’ve been telling yourself that everything is fine while feeling like you’re falling apart, it may be time to seek support. Healing is not only possible; it’s your right. If you’re ready to explore this path, reaching out to a women's EMDR therapist in Columbus, OH is a courageous first step toward reclaiming your joy. You don’t have to do this alone.
Could EMDR for Birth Trauma Be the First Step Toward Your Healing?
If you see your own story reflected in these words, and you feel the weight of carrying it all, please know you are not alone. It takes immense courage to acknowledge that you need more support, especially when everyone tells you that you should be fine. You deserve to feel present, joyful, and connected in your journey through motherhood. At Merrianna Holdeman Counseling, we can explore how in-person EMDR for birth trauma can help you release the heavy emotions holding you back and reconnect with yourself.
Schedule your complimentary 15-minute therapy consultation today.
Learn more about my gentle, supportive approach to therapy for women.
Reclaim your joy as a mother by taking the first step toward healing your birth trauma.
Other Therapy Services at Merrianna Holdeman Counseling
If healing from birth trauma with EMDR resonates with you, but you also feel like there might be more to your story, please know that is completely normal. The journey into motherhood can bring up so many unexpected feelings. Many of the overwhelmed moms and high-achieving women I support struggle with birth trauma. These struggles are often intertwined with persistent anxiety or the weight of other past events. Such challenges can make it incredibly difficult to feel calm, present, and confident.
That’s why at Merrianna Holdeman Counseling, I offer specialized in-person therapy for women who are navigating these overlapping pressures. Perhaps you've wondered what it would feel like to have a space where you don't have to perform or push through. A place where you can be honest about your struggles without judgment. Therapy can be that safe harbor. It is a place to be truly seen and supported as you find your way back to yourself and embrace the mother you want to be.
About the Author
Merrianna Holdeman, LPCC, is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor who provides compassionate in-person therapy for women in Ohio. She specializes in guiding high-achieving moms through the complex emotions of birth trauma, anxiety, and overwhelm. With specialized training in EMDR, Merrianna offers a gentle, understanding approach to help you process difficult experiences and reconnect with yourself. She is dedicated to creating a safe, judgment-free space for in-person therapy where you feel heard and empowered on your journey toward healing, clarity, and joy in motherhood.
