I Had a High-Achieving Career and a ‘Perfect’ Pregnancy—Why Does Birth Trauma Still Haunt Me? EMDR for Birth Trauma & Overachieving Women
You’ve always been the person who prepares, who excels, who gets things done. You planned your career with precision and approached pregnancy with the same level of detail. By all outside measures, everything went "perfectly." Yet, in the quiet moments after your baby is asleep, you feel a lingering sense of unease. It’s a feeling you can't quite name, a persistent hum of anxiety that doesn't make sense. If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. This unresolved feeling can often be a sign of unprocessed birth trauma, even when the birth itself seemed fine. For many high-achieving women, healing is possible with EMDR therapy for birth trauma. It’s a therapeutic approach that can help you find peace and feel like yourself again.
You might be asking yourself, "Why do I feel this way when I'm used to handling everything?" This disconnect between your capabilities and your current emotional state can be profoundly unsettling. The truth is, birth is a significant physical and emotional experience, and its effects aren't always straightforward or immediately clear. Let's explore what birth trauma truly means and why it can be so disorienting for women accustomed to being in control. Discover how you can begin your journey toward healing.
Birth Trauma Isn’t Always What You Think
When you hear the term "birth trauma," you might picture a dramatic medical emergency. While that is certainly one form, birth trauma is far more personal and complex. It is not defined by the medical outcome of the delivery but by your subjective emotional experience of it. It’s about how the event felt to you. For many, the trauma is more subtle. It could be the feeling of not being heard by your medical team or a birth plan that went in a completely different direction than you hoped. Perhaps it’s a sense of disconnection from your body or your baby in the moments and days that followed. It might even be the shock of a C-section when you planned for an unmedicated birth, or feeling alone and unsupported during a vulnerable time. These experiences matter. Your feelings are valid, even if your experience doesn’t fit the conventional definition of trauma.
The Disconnect Between Success and Struggle
For high-achieving women, the postpartum period can present a unique set of challenges. You may have built a life and career on your ability to set goals, work hard, and achieve them. This drive for success is a strength, but when it comes to motherhood, it can create immense internal pressure. The unpredictability of birth and the needs of a newborn can feel like a direct challenge to your sense of competence.
You may find yourself wrestling with an internal monologue that says, "I should be able to handle this," or "Why aren't I just happy?" This pressure to be the "perfect" mother can leave you feeling isolated and ashamed when your reality doesn't match your expectations. This struggle isn't a sign of failure; it’s a natural response for someone who is used to having a sense of control over their life's outcomes. Birth and motherhood can introduce factors you simply can't control. When this happens, it can send your nervous system into overdrive, leaving you feeling perpetually anxious and unsettled. Many overwhelmed moms feel this way but are afraid to admit it.
Recognizing the Subtle Signs of Birth Trauma
Because birth trauma can be so subtle, its signs are often dismissed as "normal" new mom stress. However, these symptoms are important signals from your body and mind that something needs attention. If you’re carrying unprocessed birth trauma, you might notice:
Persistent feelings of guilt or shame: You might replay the birth in your mind, wondering if you could have done something differently or feeling like you somehow failed.
Difficulty bonding with your baby: You might feel a sense of detachment or numbness, which can be confusing and distressing. You love your baby, but you don't feel the flood of joy you expected.
Hypervigilance: You may feel constantly on alert, worried about your baby’s safety to an extent that it feels consuming.
Irritability and anger: Small frustrations may feel overwhelming, and you might find yourself snapping at your partner or loved ones.
Physical tension: You might experience chronic muscle tightness in your jaw, shoulders, or back, as if your body is constantly braced for impact.
Intrusive thoughts or images: Unwanted thoughts or flashbacks related to the birth may pop into your mind, causing distress.
These feelings don't mean you are a bad mother or that you are ungrateful. They are your body's way of telling you that it’s holding onto a difficult experience and needs support to let it go. Feeling this way is not a reflection of your love for your baby, but rather a sign that your nervous system is overwhelmed. Recognizing this is the first step toward healing and reclaiming your sense of peace.
Why EMDR for Birth Trauma Works for Recovery
For high-achieving women, birth trauma often intertwines with deeply ingrained patterns of perfectionism and self-criticism. EMDR therapy in Columbus, Ohio doesn’t just help you process the trauma; it helps you untangle the beliefs that keep you stuck. The idea that you “should have handled it better” or “shouldn’t feel this way” can weigh heavily, but EMDR creates space for self-compassion to take root. This therapy is particularly effective for women who feel like they’re constantly in survival mode. It helps your nervous system finally recognize that the danger has passed, allowing you to step out of hypervigilance and into a state of calm.
For many, this shift feels like a weight being lifted; a return to feeling grounded, present, and in control. EMDR also empowers you to reconnect with your strengths. It’s not about erasing what happened but about reclaiming your story in a way that feels authentic and empowering. You can move forward not just as a survivor of birth trauma, but as someone who has grown through it.
Addressing Common Fears About Therapy
Starting therapy can feel overwhelming, especially for busy moms juggling it all. You might worry about "opening a can of worms" when you're already struggling to hold everything together. This fear is completely understandable. A women's EMDR therapist knows that the foundation of healing is safety. EMDR for birth trauma will always move at your pace. Before diving into the deeper work of processing trauma, a skilled EMDR therapist will help you build a toolkit of resources to help you feel grounded and regulated. The goal is not to overwhelm you but to empower you. Learning techniques to calm your nervous system will equip you to handle whatever comes up during and between sessions. The process is always in your control, and you will never be pushed to go further than you feel ready for.
Practical Steps to Begin Reclaiming Your Peace
While a therapist trained in EMDR for birth trauma can offer the most direct path to healing, your journey toward peace can begin right now, right where you are. There are gentle, powerful steps you can take to start reclaiming your sense of self. These practices are designed to help you reconnect with your body and find moments of calm in your daily life. Remember, healing is not about erasing the past, but about integrating your experiences so they no longer define your present.
Redefine Success in Motherhood: As a high-achiever, you're used to clear metrics for success. In motherhood, success looks different. It’s not about perfection; it’s about connection. Start by asking yourself: What does a successful moment look like for me today? Perhaps it's simply enjoying a warm cup of tea, taking a shower, or sharing a genuine smile with your baby. Acknowledge and celebrate these small victories.
Create a Daily Ritual of Stillness: Your nervous system needs moments of rest. Even five minutes of intentional stillness can make a difference. Find a quiet corner, close your eyes, and focus on the sensation of your breath. With each exhale, imagine you are releasing a little bit of the tension you’re carrying. This isn’t about being productive; it’s about giving yourself permission to just be.
Lean Into Your Support System: You were never meant to do this alone. Reach out to a trusted friend, partner, or family member and share a piece of what you’re feeling. If asking for help feels difficult, start small. Ask someone to hold the baby for twenty minutes while you step outside for fresh air. Connection is a powerful antidote to the isolation that trauma can create.
A Path to Emotional Freedom
Healing from birth trauma is not about erasing your experience.It's about transforming its impact on your life. Free yourself from the heavy weight of anxiety, guilt, and self-doubt so you can be fully present for the beauty and challenges of motherhood. You deserve to feel calm, confident, and connected to yourself, your baby, and the life you’ve built. Healing is possible, and with time and support, you can move from simply surviving to truly thriving. Taking that first step is an act of courage and self-compassion, a vital part of your journey toward reconnection and peace. Remember, you don’t have to navigate this path alone.
How Can EMDR for Birth Trauma Help You Embrace Strength and Healing?
Perhaps as you’ve read this, you’ve felt a quiet acknowledgment of your own experience—a sense that your struggles are valid and that healing is possible. Please know that this recognition is the first step toward transformation. Prioritizing your well-being is not only a gift to yourself but also to those who depend on you. You deserve to feel grounded, confident, and at peace as you navigate motherhood and beyond.
Here at Merrianna Holdeman Counseling, I specialize in supporting high-achieving women like you. As a women's EMDR therapist in Columbus, OH, I understand the unique challenges of balancing perfectionism, self-doubt, and the weight of birth trauma. EMDR for birth trauma offers a compassionate and effective way to help your mind and body finally feel safe, allowing you to release the emotional burden and reconnect with your inner strength.
Schedule your complimentary 15-minute therapy consultation today.
Learn more about my approach as a therapist to explore how EMDR can help you move forward with clarity and confidence.
Rediscover a version of yourself that feels whole, empowered, and ready to embrace this new chapter of life.
Other Therapy Services at Merrianna Holdeman Counseling
As you begin to process the lingering effects of birth trauma, you may notice other challenges rising to the surface. The experience of trauma often connects with deeper patterns and feelings—like the constant hum of anxiety, the exhaustion of trying to meet impossible standards, or the struggle to focus when everything feels overwhelming. Many of the high-achieving women and overwhelmed moms I work with aren’t just navigating the aftermath of birth trauma but are also managing the ongoing challenges of anxiety, trauma, and ADHD.
These experiences can create a relentless cycle: the pressure to excel in every area of life collides with self-doubt and emotional overwhelm, leaving little room for rest or self-compassion. It can feel like you’re constantly running on empty, trying to hold it all together. Therapy offers a space to break that cycle—a place where you can set down the weight of perfectionism and speak honestly about what you’re experiencing. Here, you’ll find gentle, nonjudgmental support as you work toward a life that feels more balanced, grounded, and true to who you are.
That’s why at Merrianna Holdeman Counseling, I offer specialized in-person therapy for women ready to heal from anxiety and trauma and find clarity with ADHD.
About the Author
Merrianna Holdeman, LPCC, is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor in Ohio who specializes in supporting high-achieving women through the challenges of birth trauma and postpartum anxiety. With a deep understanding of the unique pressures faced by women who are used to excelling in every area of life, Merrianna provides a compassionate, judgment-free space to process the unexpected struggles of motherhood.
Through her expertise in EMDR therapy, she helps her clients move beyond feelings of guilt, self-blame, and overwhelm, guiding them toward a sense of peace and empowerment. Merrianna’s practice is rooted in the belief that even the most accomplished women deserve support as they navigate the complexities of birth and motherhood. Her goal is to help every client feel confident, connected, and whole as they reclaim their story and step into this new chapter of life.
